50 Shades of A Former School Headmistress…


My friend and neighbor, Diana, the former school headmistress, got a new iphone while I was away on my big USA vacation. We emailed each other frequently during my holiday because we’re used to tawking almost every day.

I got the following email from her while staying with my mother a few weeks ago:

“I downloaded an audiobook, 50 Shades. I shall begin listening to it tomorrow.”

Alarm bells went off when I read that and so I wrote back and asked her if the book was “50 Shades of Grey”? “If so” I said, “you may need to fan yourself while listening to it as it is quite spicy…” and then I turned to my mother and said,

“My friend, Diana, just downloaded that book, 50 Shades of Grey, and I think she’s going to be shocked because it’s quite explicit!! She isn’t going to go for that.”

“Oh no,” said my mother while casting off stitches on her knitting. “I don’t know why anyone would want to read a dirty book…”

But I was just thinking about my elegant and sweet friend, the one who never curses… who has more class and poise than almost anyone I know… putting the iphone earpieces in her delicate ears and then listening in horror to descriptions of S&M toys and spankings and sexual contracts. (I read this on Wikipedia.)

Oh no. Diana isn’t going to go for this.


The next night I was sitting with my mother when I heard a familiar ding on my ipad. An email came in from Diana…

“not only did I fan myself, but I had to take a cold shower, too! I can’t wait for my husband to go to work so I can finish the book!”


Touche, Diana.

Me and my puritanical baggage. What do I know?

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