Changes after a loss

Pearl’s presence is greatly missed in our house. Coming home is the worst. She used to be in the window and as soon as she saw the car she would greet us at the door, wide eyed and often with a big MEOW. She was always complaining about something… usually hunger but sometimes lack of heat or else the Pumpkin had stolen her sun spot. We were often told off by her and she could be relentless with her howls.

But I was commenting to my friend, Carol, about some of the other changes that I’ve noticed since she’s been gone. For one thing, meal times are so much easier here. Pearl had to eat special diet food (of course!) and because she ate very slowly, with lady-like daintiness, I used to have to stand with her or else Pumpkin, her brother, and the dog would try to steal her food. Or she would try to steal their food. So mealtimes consisted of me standing near Pearl while she cast glances over her shoulder and the other two would dance around us and I would have to ward them off by hand-clapping and scolding with the familiar, “LEAVE IT!” It always seemed fraught and chaotic. These days feeding times are quick and easy. Two plates of food are offered up — then gobbled down.

The other change here is that I’ve been sleeping in until 7:30 AM almost every morning. This is very late for me and I realized pretty quickly that it was because Pearl wasn’t around to sound the 6 AM alarm. That cat knew when it was 6 on the dot and she would come upstairs and pat my face or paw at my hair and meow until I got up and fed her.

I told all of this to Carol the other day and admitted that I feel guilty about saying it out loud. I also feel sad. Sad and guilty. Carol’s comment made me laugh. She first said that I was the only soul on earth who understood Pearl completely and that I should not feel guilty. She also said that Pearl wouldn’t mind a bit if she knew I was sleeping until 7:30 AM. Then she added, “well… maybe she would.”

Yeah… I think she would 🙂

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