Autumn Days

There is a definite chill in the air and the leaves are changing colour. I wake up in the dark and ready myself for work. On my drive to the office I mull over my various concerns and dread facing my colleagues and my in-box.

I have gone underwater again. I have so little energy or enthusiasm for anything. The thought of pulling the lawnmower out of the shed and mowing our overgrown grass has become too much and I collapse on the sofa and retreat to television or the internet.

I don’t know why this happens. While I must admit that I’m not a naturally “up” kind of person, I don’t always sink into this muck. I can usually rally myself to do chores or get excited about a creative project.

This week has been quite different. I am moved to tears easily. I see no reason to do anything. I can only do the basics… walk the dog… clean the cat litter… throw in some laundry and turn on the dishwasher. Otherwise I am very low and unmoved by anything.

Memories come back to me and play over and over again in my head. Shame presents itself to me and I want to collapse. I cannot believe that I’ve lived this long with so much baggage.

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